“Good morning, Mr. Secretary.”
“Good morning, Melinda. What weak-kneed idiots do I have to see this morning?”
“General Flipper is coming to talk about the new Abrams tank budget. Then at 1500 hours Admiral Flopper from D-Ring has some thoughts about the USS Zumwalt and its littoral capabilities he wants to share with you.”
“More bullshit about projects that are late and way over budget. I want to talk boots on the ground. By the way, you’re looking quite handsome today. . . . What are you doing after work? Can we have a short drink together? I have something important to tell you, but not here. The place is completely bugged.”
“I thought you gave up drinking.”
“Not after five.”
“Well, OK, just a quickie. Admiral Flopper is a great fan of the ship’s namesake Admiral Zumwalt, who was a big booster of diversity and committed the Navy to instituting DEI and equality for women. Just so you know.”
“Oh God, another one of these friggin’ Wokies. That sickness goes deep; I have a lot of rooting out to do. Woke is no joke, haha. Some media clown asked me the other day if I’d follow the President’s order to shoot protesters in the legs. Sure I would, but only a couple. That would deter the rest.”
Later, at a Pentagon City bar: “After a day like this, talking to fools and pencil pushers, I’d rather be back at Fox where millions of people listened to me and appreciated the war fighter’s perspective.”
“You’ve already had three martinis, sir. Please take your hand off my thigh.”
“I wonder if we could get a room at this place?”
“Mr. Secretary, control yourself. I’m married, and so are you.”
“This job sucks, Melinda. I’ve got 3 million people under my control with nearly a trillion-dollar budget, and nobody wants to hear about dust on the boots, which is what this place needs. I’m going to promote you to be my press secretary. Maybe then we can carry out our visionary President’s vision of the real truth. Let them know that waterboarding works, get these foreign policy pussies off my back, and stop all the false accusations.”
“See you tomorrow, Mr. Secretary. Have fun storming the castle.”
The couple prays each night he doesn’t fall of the “tank”.
“We’ll ask the tough questions” bayed the Dems…ahhhhh I’m waiting.
John, made me laugh, but I want more jokes from folks about him being a Christian jihadist. Like Pompeo, but more farcical. His drinking and thigh touching are distractions protecting him from more serious criticisms.