I’ll call in my valet to brush my teeth. Then my makeup man will give me my golden tan. Get my hairdresser in; he’ll be busy for half an hour. I’ll have my diaper changed, and my valet will dress me in my proper blue suit and red tie. He also polishes my elevator shoes.
After three Egg McMuffins I go down to greet the duties of the day. But first, a good bowel movement helps clear my head. The Resolute Desk has to be wiped clean of any remaining Biden residues. My idiot retainers will then bring me a stack of executive orders to sign. Here are a few. Christi, put on “YMCA”; it gets me in the mood.
First, we ban all Muslims. Most of them are vicious terrorists anyway. Get ‘em the hell out of the country too. Then we deport all the illegal migrant pigs that are sucking the life blood of our nation. Those that won’t leave we put on fentanyl. Sheinbaum will protest when our military enters Mexico City. What is she gonna do about it?
Get me Tom Homan on the phone. I want more cages built, not beds. The kids will get used to it.
You know I’ve already figured out how to stop the fighting in Ukraine. It’s a genius concept but I’ll say no more now except that it has nothing to do with Vladimir Putin or Volodymyr Zelensky.
Tariffs are the greatest idea since sliced bread. They will finance a middle class, upper class, lower class, business class big tax cut. The Chinese people will have to figure out how to eat less. And they will get the hell out of Panama when we take over the canal.
We’re going to let Musk stop playing politics and go back to building cars and space bombs and get him off this EV foolishness. I will repeal crooked Joe Biden’s insane electric vehicle mandate and we will drill, baby, drill for oil. Watch your gas prices drop. Climate change is a hoax; get used to the new seasons and you won’t have to water your brown lawns.
Instead of burning Jack Smith at the stake, we’ll just fire him and that whole load of Justice Department hacks that stole documents from my bathroom. And free those good patriots who tried to bring my revolution to the Capitol. The judges who put them in jail should be disrobed and disbarred.
Finally we will put an end to the transgender insanity that the Education Department (soon to be eradicated by me) has forced on us and our poor children. Guys with male parts playing on girls’ soccer teams. Imagine that—hahaha.
That’s enough for this morning. I’m going to watch TikTok. They love me.
spot on Mr. Goods!
Ugh. (not directed at you, John)
Nailed it!
Have a hopeful new year…
🍒🍒🍒
Ha! Great one, John. Humor is one good way to deal with the guy in that photo.
Having just seen 5 little children baptised and said goodbye to a sensitive and sensible 13-year-old granddaughter and opened presents from an inventive, lively 7-year-old grandson, John, I find this Trump playbook utterly chilling. Still, his goals may blow up in his face. Surely since they are all destructive for Americans rather than constructive they will.
Just by chance have read Dwight D. Eisenhower’s “The Chance for Peace,” an address to the international community but also to his own people, of course, written in April 1953 to lay out the U.S. government’s commitment to negotiating with the Russians post-Stalin. It is worth reading for many reasons, not least because his values were focused on a future ‘graced with love,’ as in providing food, shelter, health care and fair reward for the toil of men and women around the world rather than spending the wealth of nations, as this riven post-World II world was doing, on armaments. See here: https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/address-the-chance-for-peace-delivered-before-the-american-society-newspaper-editors.