Dialogue

Trump: It’s my great pleasure to see you again, Mr. President. No, no groveling, please!

Xi: Did you sleep on the plane?

Trump: Very little. Too busy posting memies on Truth Social. I get so many stupid questions directed at me.

Xi: We’re going to have a nice relaxing lunch. What the hell happened to your hands?

Trump: [to the interpreter] Sorry, next question.

Xi: We must first clarify the subject of Taiwan, the most important issue in our relations. Let us bend all our diplomatic efforts to insure the two countries will not clash or even come into conflict, pushing the entire China-U.S. relationship into a very dangerous place.

Trump: You better believe that would be dangerous. Thank God my new ballroom will keep me and my cabinet safe. Anyway, what’s for lunch?

Xi: We blew it all out for you, baby, endeavoring to respect your degraded taste. But no Big Macs in my palace or Air Force One crap food.

One more question: how come you bring Mr. Snake Oil Musk on this trip? Also, it looks like a family vacation. Or a corporate convention.

Trump: Mr. President, it’s all about easing economic tensions. It could be the new dance of the trading partners. As always, the business of America is business, and we want to share it with you. Our group includes Jensen Huang, the boss of Nvidia, as well as Musk, née Muskovitz. So they aren’t all Jews.

Xi: Let’s take a walk in my beautiful garden. A good place to gloss over the problems with Iran and smell the roses.

Trump: We need to make peace in Iran and insure they have no nukes. Can you help regain Hormuz and stop sending weapons to those bastards? You are a great leader and they will listen to you.

Xi: I do what I can, but this is your war, amigo, and you have put the economic and diplomatic world in a bind. We have an old Chinese proverb. “He who stirs up hornets’ nests will pay the piper.”  See you in Washington.