Trump: Bibi, it’s simple. Your thing is just to destroy Iran. Everyone else knows I want peace. Why else would I keep negotiating with these assholes? Your way will keep Hormuz closed forever.
Netanyahu: My friend, you have deliberately kept us out of the negotiations, out of the loop. We went into this as partners, compadres to blow these terrorists to smithereens. Our goal, we agreed, was to knock out the regime, destroy their nuclear program, and annihilate their missile capability. Once you dropped us as a partner you blew any chance for our joint security.
T: Bibi baby, you got me into this thing from the very beginning. You urged that it was going to be another Venezuela. You told me “the Iranian economy is in shambles. The people are on the precipice of revolt. The Revolutionary Guards are losing control. Life in Iran is intolerable. This is our time. . . .What we could do together is bring down the regime. Together, jointly, we can win the war in three, four days.”
N: That whole idea was based on something I’ve pursued for decades—making sure these bastards can’t build a bomb. You knew that, you agreed with it. Now you’re jabbering the same thing to the press, that the whole purpose of the war was to keep them from making a nuclear bomb. Well, how are you finally going to prevent that? My friend, you’re totally inconsistent. Your blockade’s not working; your people hate this war; you put the world economy in the shitter; and you’ve abandoned your only ally, Israel. The world is making fun of your impotence. And all you do is talk about your ballroom.
T: We still send you billions in arms, don’t we?
N: And that is much appreciated, since we are really the only ones fighting Hezbollah. I sold the world on our alliance, only to see you torpedo it.
T: Come on, Bibi, I just tried to bring your pie-in-the-sky schemes back to earth. I have to take the lead in all this. Otherwise, I could have gone to my son’s wedding.